I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
