Pregnant stripper...not hot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
