he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
