I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
