Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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