i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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