I heard we made out
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
from now on my penis is your penis
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
