Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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