How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
