the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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