Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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