Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
