Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
