just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
