there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
