Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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