i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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