I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need a burrito and a hug.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
