it glows. i had to have it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
