I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
