The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
