so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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