We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
