how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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