you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
