Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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