1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
