My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
