Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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