I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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