am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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