chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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