I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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