apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
