I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
