dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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