Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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