Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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