do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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