If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
