Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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