Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
