Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
