Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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