When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
