Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
