see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
