Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
