I am puke
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
