there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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