Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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